I mean, what even is CBT?!?

The NHS website describes it as a talking therapy, helping you address and manage your problems by changing the way you think and behave. Sounds a bit wishy washy to me……

Let’s go over the basics and what we do know, and try to break it down so it’s relatable and understandable to everyone (not just those who hear the phrases and terminology day in and day out). CBT stands for Cognitive Behavioural Psychotherapy, thoughts, behaviours, emotions and physiological factors can influence the way we behave and/or act in (some times) day to day situations. Let me put this into context, if I think ‘I am a failure’ over and over, and start to believe we are a failure, we start to exhibit behavioural patterns such as withdrawing from friends, family, social events, work colleagues, and we beat ourselves up about this, we start to experience a whole range of negative emotions such as frustration, anger, and sadness, and in turn, could trigger a physiological response to our bodies, such as heart palpitations, lack of energy, loss of appetite.

I hope CBT, and what it is is making a little more sense now?

Within CBT Therapy, I work with a range of clients to discover all that we have talked about above, in an individual form, with an individual plan to tackle these feelings and difficulties. Each plan is individual to each Client, and this is what I, (and us Therapists) refer to as a formulation. Once we have established why these feelings are there, what is triggering them and made joint discoveries, we then work together to gain insights into how they are maintained and manage the problem. 

Patients suffer from a variety of symptoms, from anxiety, work related stress, OCD, panic disorder, depression, low self esteem and many many more. There really is a long list of difficulties and/or disorders which can be addressed and helped by CBT. 

**How do we make this work? **

In all honesty it is hard work, there isn’t an easy fix or a miracle pill. Therapy requires a commitment from every client, and from me as your Therapist, working together we can aid change, starting with small steps and moving onto bigger areas to tackle. This is done at a pace that we are both comfortable with - with me firmly (but not too firmly) guiding and nudging in the direction you want to go.  

By understanding difficulties and/or disorders and how they function and fester, and allow us to change our behaviour this enables me, and you, to look at changes, that, working together will be life long changes. 

Change includes changing your thought patterns and behaviours, having a positive impact and a shift in your emotions and physiological symptoms (that we discussed earlier). I know this can sound so scary and overwhelming, but you are not alone.  We tackle this together, as a team.  And, if you are reading this and thinking about engaging in CBT, then I can guarantee what you are currently experiencing is both scary and overwhelming and we can fix that. 

So, thoughts…the night time thoughts? the social function coming up thoughts…. they lie. We can have thousands of thoughts per day yet we only attach to certain ones. We cannot believe everything that we think. 
My partner is cheating on me, the sky is red, that is a circle not a ball, I am a failure, I am not good enough, I don’t deserve that promotion - the list goes on, and we have all been there.  

We all have self doubt, and just because we have those thoughts, does not mean they are automatically true and they define us. They don’t, and they shouldn’t. But having those thoughts over and over, of course anyone would begin to believe and it is understandable this act as if this thought is true. Notice how I said understandable not acceptable? This is because it is not acceptable to just believe these thoughts, slowly they will take over, impact your day to day life, decision making, connections with others and most importantly the way in which you feel about yourself.

Furthermore, the way in which we behave can reinforce these thoughts. Not seeing friends, not engaging, having no enjoyment and isolating can make this thought seem bigger and more believable.

**Ever heard of the cycle of change?**

If not, have a nosey. Google it. 

Brief overview, this cycle can be used to look at your readiness to change. Your readiness to engage in healthier, more positive behaviours and thinking. You can fluctuate between stages. Ever had the thought ‘I need to go on a diet, get fit and exercise so I can lose weight’. Although you know you want this, you may also want to lie on the sofa and eat chocolate bar (only dairy milk straight out the fridge though).
The cycle has six stages. 

- _Pre contemplation_: you know you want to lose weight but you are not ready to change the behaviours yet.
- _Contemplation_: you are aware of the problem but you don’t have the drive for  commitment to turn into action. 
- _Preparation_: intent on taking the action to address the problem (buying that gymwear, meal planning etc)
- _Action_: go to the gym, actively eat healthy. 
- _Maintenance_: you’ve made the change, you are continuing with it and regular healthy diet and exercise is replacing the lying on the sofa. 
- _Relapse_: fall back into old habits.

Then, sadly,  the cycle can start again. This is the same with therapy, and this is what I can help you with. You may be in one of these stages thinking about your difficulties and what you are currently facing, or what you have been wrestling with for some time. That is ok. The most important stage is you are aware of the problem, that in itself is a huge achievement and should be acknowledged. You may not be ready to move into another stage yet, life can get busy, time slips away, that is life - but when you are ready - I am here to help and to guide you through the plan (we make together) to get you in a more positive place.

The reason I have mentioned this cycle, is because it is useful to be aware of where you are at and how this relates to you and the possible journey we can go on together in seeking therapy. 

So, what is CBT? Simply, it is a tough but rewarding journey of life changing insights into how you can proactively push those negative thoughts that can feel all-consuming and get you back to a positive place . 
P.S. It does involve homework, I promise it is not writing essays. But it does involve doing tasks between sessions to aid with your recovery. 

If you would like further information on the Therapy I provide, or would like a chat don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone, and together we can form a treatment plan to get you through these tough times.

Stay safe,  
Kelly-Anne

KA-Therapy x


What even is CBT?


1. Increase activities for enjoyment
2. Increase relaxation
3. Increase achievement activities
4. Increase exercise. 
5. Increase contact with other people
6. Set realistic goals
7. Use the 5 minute rule
8. Reward yourself
9. Write down your thoughts and feelings
10. Notice the positives


“Sorry, WHAT? I’m struggling with my mood and you’re wanting me to even consider this list?!”


Yes, I am. I can’t deny it will be hard. But living with no energy, no concentration, no motivation, negative thoughts, isolating yourself and doing less is harder still, brutal even. 


Start small. I really mean this. Small amounts of each of these things is better than none. Enjoyment can be having a hot cup of tea, relaxation can be focusing on your breath for 1 minute, achievement may be having a shower, exercise can be a ten minute walk and contact with others could start with a simple text message. 


Don’t fall into the trap of setting yourself up to fail! You are already beating yourself up, and setting yourself bigger tasks which are unachievable TODAY is only going to make you feel worse. Just do not do it. Set realistic goals. That is what you are aiming for;, that may be a shower today, getting dressed tomorrow. Whatever fits for yourself. Set it as a goal and tick it off once achieved. 


Choose activities and people important to you. Choose the ones with positive meanings or purpose. Consider rest periods even for a small task. Rest periods are key. You have to build yourself up slowly. 


The 5 minute rule…. Commit to the activity for just 5 minutes. After 5 minutes, you can make a choice to stop or continue. You never know, you may find you actually want to continue. 
One positive every single day, no matter how small. Recognise one positive per day, relate it to a quality it shows about you. I brushed my hair today, it shows I care about my appearance. 
Reward yourself when you are doing well. Remember to pace yourself. Do more of what works, what helps! Do less of what doesn’t. Yes, give yourself a treat, a mental note, a physical item. Just reward yourself (I am sure you are quick to beat yourself up, so be even quicker to reward yourself).


Write down your thoughts and feelings. Use a journal, scrap of paper, notes section on your phone or an app. This can be very difficult, particularly if you are experiencing strong negative thoughts. However, writing them down allows them to be somewhere else instead of inside your head. 


If you feel up to it, look at these from a different perspective. If this was a friend or close loved one, what advice would you give to them? Thoughts lie. You will hear me repeat this a lot. But they do. We cannot simply just believe everything we think. Challenge your thoughts. 


Stay Safe,

Kelly-Anne

KA-Therapy x



10 Tips to help with your mood.

I do, I promise it is not a book review, However, this book does need to be talked about for many reasons. 

The book you wish your parents had read (and your children will be glad that you did)- by Phillipa Perry. 

It’s very thought provoking and really does what it says on the tin. It doesn’t use fancy words but it gives real life examples which allow you to put things into context. 

**Still not a book review…**

As a newish woman to motherhood (nearly 2 years in!) it massively allowed me to understand my child’s frustrations and new found tantrums. So why am I writing about it?
I reallybelieve this book relates to myself and manyof my clients. I therefore think it is useful to talk about it, and talk about it I shall. 

**Rupture & Repair**

One of the key themes throughout the book is ‘rupture and repair’. This concept is paramount in every aspect of our lives regardless of whether we have children or not. This basically means we learn about where we have caused ruptures (disagreements, certain ways in which we have dealt with situations with others and ourselves) and how to repair them. Although this book concentrates on the parent-child relationship, it can also be translated into other aspects of our lives. Particularly with ourselves. 

We can often react to a situation without really identifying why we’ve responded that way. This may be with angry outbursts, hurtful comments, being easily irritated Talking to ourselves in a negative manner and internalising situations. Instead of looking at these incidents (possibly due to being scared about what this may reveal), we move on without change. This repetitive moving forward (or as I liken it, running forward without stopping, running and running as if we are in a continuous sprint without a break can contribute to us experiencing anxiety, depression or work related stress. 

This book emphasises the importance of recognition, NOT blame, NOT guilt and NOT shame. I genuinely want you to recognise the difference between these. Because there is A LOT of difference. 
By recognising, accepting and changing thought patterns and behaviours this is where we repair. We repair ourselves, friendships, relationships and any other ruptures which may have occurred. It also allows us to act differently moving forward, minimising future ruptures, and in turn developing healthy thought patterns and behaviours. 

**Feelings**

Our feelings need to be validated. It is ok to feel what we feel, regardless of whether it’s positive or negative (yes I know this can be uncomfortable). We do not have to rely on others to provide that validation, although it can help. We can validate our own feelings. Feelings are interlinkedwith everything we do, how we manage our feelings has a bearing on everything (mood, stress, conversations, interactions, behaviours, attending or not attending events, the list really does go on).

If we don’t allow negative feelings (predominantly due to fear or it being un-comfortable) we contribute to a vicious maintenance cycle and further reinforce the thought that these feelings are dangerous, scary and something to be feared. Our brain is clever, but it is not clever enough to only allow negative feelings to go into the box. Our positive feelings also start slipping through the net into the exact same box. We become more emotionless, less able to feel. This can then lead to a lack of enjoyment in activities, unwillingness to engage, poor motivation and possibly anxiety about those events you just aren’t able to avoid. 

Feelings need to be dealt with. It is paramount to accept every mood and not treat them as if they are monsters under the bed. 
If you feel you need support with any of the things I have talked about do not hesitate to contact me. Therapy is about helping, not rescuing, I can help. 

There are many other areas addressed by this book and I have only discussed a couple. Although this is not a book review, I do recommend giving it a read. 

Stay Safe,

Kelly-Anne

KA-Therapy x


Blog

What even is CBT?

10 Tips to help with your mood.

I Promise it’s not a book review.